“Some days are better than others.”
This is the mantra I have fixated in my mind. When I tell myself that every day is different, it’s not to sound cliche. It’s not to trick myself into accepting my mood swings. It’s to remind myself that I am an emotional person.
Gone are the days when I would apologize to myself and the world. I’ve let go of whatever shame I felt for being such an emotional basket case. I’ve embraced it. It’s like I said, some days truly are better than others.
I am an emotional entrepreneur and this means absolutely nothing. The only thing that’s changed is my hyper awareness of it. I stopped giving in to the thoughts that I was broken. I stopped making excuses for why I operate the way I did.
There’s no badge of honor for self-sabotaging one’s life for the sake of conforming into a box that other people create. When I burn a bridge I accept that I have to find another route. When I say the wrong thing I remember that it’s only wrong by perception which is usually from those who get offended. I cannot be bothered by the emotions of others.
“What people think of you is none of your business.”
As an emotional entrepreneur I get to have these pretty awesome experiences where my heighten state of passion is all consuming. Doing what you love comes at a price and that’s usually one’s sanity. Since I now live in my emotions, my mental state is often playing second fiddle in my life. Emotionally driven means you’re more passionate than most as well as impulsive. Making decisions is often quick and manic. Given how success is sometimes a crap shoot, I can’t imagine how playing it safe is much better.
As an emotional entrepreneur I also feel the darkness in a heighten state. It’s the dark shadow few people speak of when embarking on their entrepreneurial journey. This is a contrast from the highs of passion. The shadow self of an emotional entrepreneur is filled with anger, resentment, shame and depression. Emotional entrepreneurs feel both the light and darkness equally. They fuel one another. Without darkness there can be no light and vice versa. We take the good with the bad for neither exist without the other.
“I love the person I’ve become, because I fought to become here.”
– Kaci Diane
As an entrepreneur, being emotional is perceived as a weakness. I remember swearing by the “it’s business, not personal” battle cry whenever someone’s feelings were hurt, including mines. If I were to go back 5 or even 10 years back, I wouldn’t be able to give myself advice. The 28 year old me and the 38 year old me speak 2 completely different languages.
I guess this is all part of being an adult and constantly evolving who we are. I have the kind of clarity that people would kill for, except I wouldn’t have killed for 10 years ago. Perhaps this is why it took me this long to learn this lesson.