I Need to Be Better at Planning
If my life had a theme, it would be: “I underestimated…”
So I got dropped from one of my grad classes, but in my defense I was going to drop it myself anyway. I work a full-time job where I lack boundaries, I have not been in an academic environment since 2001, and I am resurrecting my brand + business.
Thinking I could take on three (3) graduate level classes at once was about as delulu as I can get.
In many ways, I feel like underestimated is the theme of 2024. I keep saying it in various areas of my life and the shame of repeating it is starting to wear on my spirit.
I put on sunscreen and underestimated the heat of the sun.
I just got back from a work trip and underestimated the weight of my dufflebag, which broke my shoulder strap.
I went to explore Memphis and underestimated the heat and humidity.
I took fast acting edibles before my flight and underestimated how potent fear is on the nervous system.
I stopped taking my medication and underestimated how much it helps with curbing intrusive thoughts.
As we move forward towards an election that is going to challenge everyone’s capacity for fuckery, this would be a great time to recalibrate expectations so we’re not overwhelmed by the potential chaos.
This is not the time to underestimate people’s desire to align the future with whatever vision they have – good and bad.
We can underestimate today and use tomorrow as an opportunity to try again.
When we underestimate, we create a teachable moment – one where we can do better since we know better.
I underestimated how easy it is to fall into a routine of leisure. While I advocate for rest and ease, I also recognize the importance of sacrifice and discipline.
I read a quote that says we don’t “create” our future. The habits we choose to repeat create the opportunities we get tomorrow.
So “we” don’t create our futures, our choices do.
I really want this graduate degree. So much so that I’m willing to tone down my rebelliousness at work. I will sellout my advocacy for a milestone. This is why I say ambition is nuanced.
We are constantly tasked with confronting our limits and deciding which grey areas of integrity we want to align with.
I don’t always want to be the disruptor. I just want to make an impact.
I don’t always want to say I told you so. I just want to be respected.
Would we compromise more if we saw the direct correlation to how it empowers growth?
It felt good being in an airport. Granted, I had edibles but also, I felt like I was in a space that I long craved. I spend so much time traveling to work in the basement at a high school all day and then spend another bunch of hours traveling back, overwhelmed and exhausted.
In the airport, I felt adventurous and hopeful. I still want to see the world and I have to learn to stop putting myself in a cage.
Make no mistake, I am leaving this job the moment I get the opportunity to see the world. This graduate degree is a priority for now because it’s going to serve as my ticket to a wanderlust lifestyle.