My Bridgerton Tears

I Almost Forgot That Escapism is My Love Language

“Ladies do not have dreams. They have husbands.”

I finally got around to binge watching Bridgerton, season 3, and have settled on a phrase that hit close to home. Full disclosure, I’ve been exploring alternative (and totally legal) approaches to sleep every night to get through the past 3 months.

Because I don’t know how many secret haters might be peeping this (there’s at least 2 at my day job), I will be hella vague about how I try to decompress and process the stress of working in education with people who resent my above and beyond work ethic.

And yes, I was already informed, on several occasions, that I do too much for students at a transfer HS in the west Bronx – and if you were wondering about those who’ve made these comments to me…yes, they all are.

I will continue to gush about the leadership of the school I am at because so much of my hardships are not the direct result of those in the trenches, but rather those who come in like modern Christopher Columbus trying to save the day within a 8 hour work window.

The population I serve is not easy and having people to keep me accountable empowers my growth while also spiking my anxiety. However, when there are individuals who’s vision is misaligned with the bigger picture, there’s a disconnect between integrity and purpose.

Hence why I am sitting on the sofa fighting back tears at a problematic Netflix series.

I have been struggling to reconcile that in many ways I’ve settled and it wasn’t until hearing an overbearing mother tell her daughter that she has no dreams.

Most close to me could say the same my non-existent dreams. Strangers on the interweb know more about who I want to be than my own kin.

When I took on a traditional job, my non-entrepreneurial peeps were thrilled that I’ve settled into conformity. Most of them never understood my career as a strategist and now that I work at a high school, my job makes sense.

You see, I too resumed my life back into the cage where I could bitch about feeling restricted to fly. The irony is not lost on me that I chose to be complicit in my own suppression, hence the nightly dose of sleeping aids.

For the past few months, I stopped dreaming – literally and figuratively speaking.

I don’t fantasize about my life.

Instead I indulge in unrequited infatuations.

I don’t plan for a future where I strive for passion.

Instead I obsess over secrets, turning my work place into an unscripted reality tv show, for those who were invested in my nightly recaps.

Binge watching Netflix series is not escapism, it’s how I remember my true nature – a quirky storyteller with a penchant for happily ever afters. In many ways, it’s why I love working with multi-passionate women.

While I may not have the magic to grant wishes, I am driven by empowering others to create their own fairy tale ending – in business and life.

In many ways, I can identify with Penelope. She gave up her name after getting engaged, not because of what her mom said about women dreaming but because she knew opportunities for love don’t often come for women who feel past their prime.

Success, in whatever way you want to define it, is elusive when society deems you unworthy.

When Penelope speaks with the entrepreneurial dress maker, who talks about not wanting to ever give up the feeling of being aligned with purpose, I almost came to tears.

• How many times do we compromise ourselves for a sliver bit of acknowledgement that we matter?

• How often do we quit, not because it got hard, because we lose the steam to keep fighting for a vision that only we see?

You can put all the work into co-creating a brand and business that you desire but sometimes what we want is merely a stepping stone to something greater, something that we don’t quite envision consciously on our own and require the support of the universe to bring it together.

People don’t necessarily serve a purpose.

We are all on our own journey and when we cross paths, those moments can become memories to reinforce your vision or opportunities to be grateful for the lessons they are teaching you.

I went from watching Bridgerton to watching the Bear, and for the life of me, I can’t get into this dramedy. I am in a season of fantasy, not realism.

And as I get ready to work some much needed Brujeria, I hope to also be in the season of ease.