I’m Fighting For A Feeling
I’ve been talking a lot about old me and the inconvenient accommodations she would embrace as if they were tokens of affection.
She was starved for acceptance and learned the art of projection.
The words she enchanted bounced back as karmic bullets would, expanding an already deep wound.
New me is a fighter and fierce protector of old me. The “burn it all to the ground” energy is unapologetically loyalty to healing and wellness because sometimes self-care is “If I go, we go.”
We always talk about embodying the person we want to be but integrity comes with hefty price tag.
Old me paid them, burned some bridges and then lamented on the solitude. New me will burn it all to the ground.
There’s a reassuring ease that comes with surrendering to all emotions of the human experience. Anger no longer becomes villainized and complicity no longer wears the crown on righteousness.
New me is tired of hiding behind the invisible dark moon. New me wants an unfettered illumination of what possible because mid-life can’t forever be synonymous with crisis.
New me survived an emotional rebirth after having lived through decades of an internal chatter coercing my better half to burn life to the ground.
New me is not fighting for a job. She’s fighting for a feeling.
New me is making amends for all the ways which old me had to compromise her authenticity.
I was always a loyal person. Now the world will get to see how much new me will advocate for our survival in ways not quantified through a practical lens.
I’ve always been delusional. I’m just finally accepting the range of my cray cray.
Because old me is not standing alone anymore to navigate a mental landscape designed to keep her dependent on her trauma.
She has a warrior ready to defend the remaining innocence that old me clings onto like a security blanket. She has new me showing her that the weighted blanket of shame was not securing her from the world but suffocating her into conformity.
New me isn’t asking for permission to exist in her full dynamic self. She’s serving as the nurturing presence that old me needed.