Chasing is a sport, at least for me. Even if it’s a solo sport, I’m still competitive with myself. I don’t know where it comes from. It’s just in my nature. It has nothing to do with perfectionism.
Ironically, when it comes to competition, I’m not OCD. I’m not a perfectionist. I’m a strategist. I play to win. I hate losing. Defeat is the worst feeling in the world, it hurts even more when you know you’ve done all you could do.
Competition keeps us on our toes. We stay sharp, edgy and relevant. I look at my family and my upbringing and to say I’m baffled about where I got my competitive streak would be an understatement.
Not to say that’s bad, but to call anyone before highly ambitious would be an exaggeration.
Actually there was one person who was ambitious. He represented the epitotomy of working hard. If anyone could have understood my obsession with work it would have been him, emphasis on “would.”
But that’s a conversation for another time, when my eyes don’t swell up on the the memories.
I had to find an inner drive to propel my ambitions, and as a result, I became a late bloomer to entrepreneurship. I was born in the late 70s, so I didn’t necessarily come from the school of “let’s encourage kids.”
I was latchkey and alone most of the time, or at least those are the memories that stick out the most. I think it’s called neglect now, but whatever. I forged imaginary friends and while a shrink might call me lonely, I would challenge that it was because I was bored.
Now I’m here, in my mid 30s, embracing my competitive spirit as if it were the blanket to my inner Linus. I love being competitive because I love the feeling of winning.
It’s not to brag and show-off, but rather it’s to simply show that I can. Winning is the result of being strategic enough to get from point A to point B. I wish there a way for me to switch my brain and think competitive in areas of my life where I’m holding onto the procrastination bit.
Tonight it just all started coming together. A moment of imminent defeat is overtaken by a small piece of victory, and it’s happening in my head (and on a treadmill), since I’m still in pursuit of chasing endorphines.