“Where oh where have you been all my life?” said the little voice in my head. She’s narcassistic. She thinks it’s always about her. In her world, it is. In my world, it’s not.
So I told that little voice in my head “Girl, you’re tardy to the party.” After she berated me for quoting Real Housewives of Atlanta (as if I really watched that show), she began fake sobbing.
Not only is she narcassitic but she’s also a drama queen. If I weren’t so camera shy, she might have been pivotal in my quest for being an actress. But since I am not comfortable in a spotlight, I told her to STFU.
All this fuss over a treadmill. All this bickering back and forth, in my head, over the discovery of endorphines – that happy feeling when doing happy things. As if I was never happy.
As if I never experienced a natural high. I have. Perhaps it’s been too long since the last time. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. Too many things to reflect on while considering the different reasons for my inner voice to get so giddy after a 20 minute workout.
It’s been a while since I jumped on one of these bad boys. Well not technically a bad boy. That’s a conversation for another day! But you know what I mean. It’s been a while and I can’t help but feel nostalgic for wanting to physically see myself going somewhere, even if it’s not technically somewhere.
The act of moving and moving helps break up the monotony of my workaholic schedule. 8 hours + on any given day, behind the laptop, and I’m starting to sympathize with Jack Nicolson’s character from the Shining.
Thankfully I’m not still in Potsdam…thankfully.
So in 20 minutes, I had what felt like an eternity of thoughts. Maybe that’s what happens when you stop to be at one with your mind. It’s as close to meditation as I’m going to get so I don’t knock it.
I embraced it. My inner voice is always yapping away but this time she got my full attention. I couldn’t put headphones on. I couldn’t dismiss her with gossip blogs. I couldn’t compromise our relationship much longer.
She knew it and I knew it.
Everything was leading up to this moment, this 20 minutes of chasing endorphines. She’s been my companion since forever and like our many other adventures, we’re getting high on life.
And in those 20 minutes, she confided to me in ways I didn’t know she could. Perhaps it took 35 years of maturity to appreciate a relationship that will never go away.
“Where oh where have you been all my life?”
All this time I thought she was talking to the treadmill. It finally hit me – she was talking about me. All her nagging and persistent chattering and it took 20 minutes on a treadmill for her to get my undivided attention. Just imagine what we can accomplish in 20 minutes.
But first thing’s first, like with everything else I do, it’s time to goal set. It’s time to think about what’s the end game. What are we working towards. If I want to feel like I’m getting somewhere, how will I know when I get there?
After all, there has got to be a reason right? Why do we do the things we do?
There’s always a purpose, and this time is no different.