It’s been 4 years since I quit drinking coffee and I think I’m ready to fall off the wagon.

I’m going to use a very superficial excuse. I love the tiny little Keurig machines. My sister has one and I want to have one that I can bedazzle with pink rhinestones.

To be honest, I’ve debated this issue with myself for quite some time. I take pride in saying I’ve been coffee free for the past 4 years. I bought a cup of joe last year but couldn’t bring myself to drink it. I love the smell so I occasionally get drunk off the aroma.

My first cup of Bustelo was probably around 6, 7 or 8 years of age. Puerto Ricans roll like that. I’d have it at night with some crackers. It was AWESOME.

Unbeknownst to me, I harbored addictive tendencies. It wasn’t until my mid 30s that I discovered this, so we’re looking at 30+ years of hardcore coffee drinking. I’m not talking about a weak ass cup of Maxwell. I took my coffee strong and in several doses a day.

At the height of my workaholic phase, I seriously considered the intravenous version of coffee. I soon learned that I could just make the switch to cocaine but coffee was cheaper so I didn’t switch from Bustelo to coke. That was probably for the best.

I used coffee as a weapon. When I needed to justify the overnight work sessions I would reach for cups of coffee to help me stay awake. Eventually my body got tired and it let me know. First the nudging was subtle. A migraine here and there. Then the tapping became louder. Heart palpitations are no fun when accompanied with dizzy spells.

I had quit cold turkey for a few weeks and voila, symptoms went away. My body was chilling. It was physically happy. However mentally I felt like an addict crying for their drugs and emotionally I was lost.

So I took up coffee again and vowed to tone it down. No more hard core drinking. I capped myself at 2 cups a day. I even opted for Starbucks or the street trucks. Talk about cheap imitations. It was never enough. So I switched it back to homemade coffee where I could control the concentration.

Like clockwork, the scary symptoms resumed. In October of 2010 I vowed to stop drinking for good. Going cold turkey was much easier. By this time I had found a coffee substitute – chai tea lattes. Like many other addicts, I simply switched from one addiction to another.

I learned that coffee was not the enemy, my dependency for it was what I needed to address. After 4 years, I just miss it. I’m nostalgic for the cup of Bustelo with crackers. And if I buy that Keurig, I can recreate those childhood memories, all for the price of 4 coffee-free years.