Day 18

When no one is paying attention, how do we act? Are we victims of our own idealism or do we expect to be held accountable by an outside jury?

The days are morphing into one another and it feels like a cascade of memories are just zooming by, leaving little to be desired or cherished.

Taking a few minutes to smell the roses is not an option since we’re not in Spring and it’s too expensive to buy roses for the sole purpose of smelling.

I know it’s just a metaphor but sometimes life is that literal. When things seem abstract in themselves, it helps to keep perspective by getting rid of all the fluff and looking at life through a black and white lens.

When there’s so much confusion around, is it better to go with the flow or seek out a solution?

I’ve always loved puzzles. There’s a bit of intrigue in the unknown. The satisfaction of “figuring it out” is like a drug for me and like any addict, I spend the rest of my life chasing that high.

As a Pisces, I’m pretty comfortable with the unknown. It’s never spooked me, at least not in the way I’ve seen it spook others. Yet I still can’t help but wonder, if amidst all the chaos, can we find order?

I’ve considered redefining what it means to be sane. I do this as an attempt to let go of whatever control issues I may have. But sometimes it feels normal. Even when things are all over the place, it’s that managed chaos that seems normal. As if disarray was the new orderly. Or maybe it’s because life is never as neat and tidy as we’d like to make it out to be. When we’re the only ones paying attention, does it really matter if our socks are mismatched?

In the process of changing a habit, the only person who’s always watching is ourselves. And no matter how much we may want to lie, the truth is always that pink elephant in the room.

There’s no escaping accountability without disappointing the one person who holds all the cards.