There’s something to this whole “new year, new start” thing but I’m still working on figuring it out.

It’s been several months since I graced the interwebs with my musings and as I survive another Mercury Retrograde cycle, I can’t help but wonder about the ties that bind my voice.

Talking is easy because it’s what we do everyday. Writing, even for this writer, is not always the easiest thing to do because my default is rooted in deflection and denial. These honest truths about my nature are what fuels my determination to redefine what it means to be me.

2015 was one for the books, especially towards the last 3 months. That last Mercury Retrograde cycle defined this new transitional SELF I find myself evolving into. I won’t go into many details but it was a turning point for me, one that needed to happen because I was not stepping it up.

The universe has a funny way of making you do what you need to do even when you don’t want to. Below is a recap of milestones and memories for my 2015.

I chose to start the year with the word “BLOSSOM.”

I wanted to bloom into a new version of me, with my brand and biz. I created a new logo, setup a new site and embraced Pinterest. Before I had a manifestation board which barely manifested into anymore other than pretty visuals. So I took a new approach by infusing my CDFs.

I made a commitment to myself that I would embrace the “core desire feelings” concept presented in the Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map. I spent time working on my words and taking notes on my notes for those words. I created Pinterest boards for them and was determined to embody them.

It worked until it didn’t. 

Life changes your intended trajectory and when that happens, how you want to feel changes too.

My CDFs were: freedom + inspired + seen + magikal + alive + love

I attended a yoga retreat, in nature, by car and on a whim.

I have an impulsive side that doesn’t often get to enjoy my life. That impulsive side is often shunned and put at bay. However when she comes out to play she takes me on wild adventures through the Blue Ridge Mountains on hot August days. During this weekend I learned that connection is important because the solopreneur hermit is not a good look on anyone.

I took on a freelance gig at an agency and felt like the world’s biggest sellout.

I was not hearing anything about “intrapreneur” or that it was OK to get a full-time hustle to support the dream. Having been doing my own thing for many years, the return to being in the rat race was not met with open arms or optimism.Truth be told, it was a necessary evil to escape the reality I no longer wanted to sustain. What unfolded was a pleasant surprise with cool ass coworkers and forced discipline, which was sorely needed.

I finally retired from being a “web designer.”

Making that leap with the safety net of a steady gig was the smoothest transition I ever made from doing something that made me wanna gouge my eyes out to doing something that makes me want to stop thinking about gouging my eyes out.

Key lessons learned from these experiences:

  1. I am not as anti-social as I sometimes feel. I actually like talking to other humans, some of them anyways.
  2. My default is escapism and I blame my sun sign in Pisces.
  3. My emotionality switch really does have an on-off switch, much like those vampires from the CW.
  4. I love road trips!
  5. It’s OK to stop doing what no longer works.
  6. My brand was not a business and my business was not sustainable.
  7. I love NYC but not in the winter.
  8. I am a gypsy working in a cubicle trying to create a reality that’s outside of the box.
  9. I’m a binge [insert whatever vice here].

As I look towards the new year, I take a pro-active approach to everything that I want to manifest in my life.

My word for 2016 is “RENAISSANCE.”

My CDFs have slightly changed to reflect the new me. They are:

  • Connection
  • Passion
  • Wanderlust
  • Creative
  • Seen
  • Magical

Not too different from before but more emotionally driven. I’ve already started expressing these CDFs in a way that only someone who has an addictive personality can do.

1. I got some new card decks and I won’t say how many. Let’s just say one of the columns on my site will be divination. (magical)

2. I have my own sewing machine and already took a class on how to make basic stitches, you know, for all the snitches in my life! (creative)

3. I am taking an 8 week violin class. This is probably the most random thing I’ve done in years. My tales of plucking strings and trying to tune my new toy will be shared over the next 8 weeks. (creative)

4. I picked up knitting again. Already got my busted scarf-shawl. It’s a little distorted piece I knitted up to get me practicing. Next up are some scarfs for this freezing ass winter. (passion)

5. I’m getting more into crystals. There’s a shop by the agency office and I went a lil overboard. Nothing too major but enough that I need to print out a crystal chart so I can know which one is what. (magical)

6. I will be Miami-bound soon enough. (wanderlust)

7. My business will function like a real business. No more side hustling half ass work for clients that don’t match my personality or style. The more I work in a traditional setting the more I realize that my business needs to work for ME and not for others. (connection + seen)

8. I’ve picked up some new books and will be indulging in fiction and fantasy of the prose persuasion. (passion + magical)

9. I will be speaking and writing more on other platforms such as the Huffington Post. (passion + seen)

There’s something to be said for intentions. They’re more action driven and heart centric. Resolutions feel like you’re closing a chapter but the new year is about starting new ones. That’s how it feels this time around. If I gave up anything in 2015 it was the feeling of expectations. I finally learned to surrender and accept that control is an illusion.

We are where we are, not because we choose to be, but because life chose us to fulfill a specific purpose. The journey is all about realizing that purpose in a way that makes us better soulful beings.

Here’s to making new memories and accomplishments in 2016!!