“Finding myself” was starting to feel like an ongoing quest in the search for an answer that won’t materialize until I’m likely transitioned into whatever next level of consciousness I may or may not evolve into.
I don’t know if it’s because of my Pisces Sun or Libra Moon but indecisiveness is second nature for me and I used to feel like it was my Achille’s heel.
The amount of time I spent “waiting” for the right moment, the right opportunity, the right everything…😒
Waiting implies uncertainty and being alive in limbo is not the same as living.
These are some of the lessons I finally learned in 2020, including the biggest one…
My pain is also my gift.
2020 was the awkward year I didn’t know I needed. Like many of you, I started January 2020 with a “new year new me” attitude but energetically it felt different.
I didn’t plan out my goals on a spreadsheet like I do every year.
Unconsciously I knew something was afoot even though, on a conscious level, I couldn’t pinpoint where the disconnect was coming from.
My theme for 2020 was “transition.”
My digital vision board looks like this:
This is what I looked at every day I logged into the Interwebs, when I opened up MS Word to write some prose, and when I stared at my screen during random daydreaming when I was supposed to be working.
TRANSITION + HEAL was my “focus” so that I could do all of the perfect things that would manifest in my life.
Don’t get it twisted, I did get to do all of the things I “named and claimed” to start 2020.
I explored until lockdown forced us inside.
I published and continue to publish.
I relaxed like I was a carefree 9-5’er with a steady paycheck.
I dreamed during many of the naps I took while navigating a pandemic world.
I thrived because it is December 31, 2020 as of this writing and I’m still here to tell the tale.
I connected with new and old peeps, some who were in alignment with my evolved self and some who reminded me how far I’ve come from who I used to be.
I birthed a new vision for myself, my life, my business, and my body. I also started a doula program.
I get it. Vision boards are designed to give us a visual representation for what we want to manifest in our lives. They put a face to the dream and give us clarity on how to strive towards what we desire.
I can say I want to move to a new crib or I can show a picture of a building I see myself living in.
While I am grateful for all of the opportunities to evolve my self-mastery, courtesy of that final Saturn + Jupiter transit in my 12th house, I find myself longing for more.
More opportunities. More growth. More clarity. More vision. More life.
I am welcoming the new year but I have also learned how important it is to recalibrate when integrating a new chapter into my journey.
I have learned to let go of a lot of shit including words, terms, and concepts that no longer resonate with me.
2021 is the year I am ready to finally exist with intentionality.
While it’s the same visual that I want to manifest, the focus for how and why shifts.
AFFECTION is all about desires and how I want to honor my love languages.
HARMONY is all about balance and the ability to be present with the duality of a conscious entrepreneur.
KISMET is where I appreciate all the synchronicities that present themselves in my personal life and business.
ADAPTATIONS because I am a writer is tired of watching the stories I don’t get to tell.
UNAPOLOGETIC because I’m no longer willing to be complicit in my mediocrity.
SEEN because my presence is too valuable to remain hidden.
Showing up gives others permission to do the same. While I continue to evolve and get comfortable with how I want to shine in this world, I have to stay vigilant with not getting so comfortable that I don’t level up to what is required of me to sustain my purpose in this lifetime.
Many people thought 2020 was going to be their year and in unfortunate ways, it was.
One of my fears is leaving an imprint in obscurity, beneath the snow, where my mark melts with the seasons.
A year of intentionality is a season of being on purpose. It’s a vision that aligns with authenticity and healing because to hold on to the ties that bind us into conformity, is not a way to live.
I am many things…
conscious + ambitious
passionate + practical
spiritual + scientific
holistic + results driven
This acceptance of duality is what allows me to step into my identity as a Renaissance Bruja because I am a walking contradiction and it’s how I embody compassion and grace.
I am both humble and audacious, an introvert who thrives on the stage with a mic, a progressive hustler with a millionaire vision, and a quiet spirit with a loud presence.
And now, I’m finally ready to show up as I am and with the imperfect version of ME-HEE-HEE.