Day 7

On what is starting to feel like an odyssey, I’m reminded about all the other vices I need to address, such as sleeping in.

Justifying a 2am curfew with an “I am a nite owl” attitude is not very adult of me. Because then comes the “Go ahead and sleep in since you went to bed at 2am” voice, which haunts me every single morning.

Why are the voices in our heads more sinister than any voice on the outside? If only I hadn’t gotten sick in January. I was doing so well with early rising but then the universe had other plans. Thanks!

It’s like the more I work on one area, the more I fall behind on others.

So I started wondering….

Can we ever have an equal balance of anything in our lives?

You know what im talking about. When we focus on our careers our social life is turns into crap. Or we’ll spend too much time on our friends/family and poof, here comes the pink slip.

It just doesn’t seem to be 50/50. How are we supposed to find sanity and peace when, it seems, that we’re destined to be off balance?

It’s almost as if we’re in a co-dependent relationship with the universe. The “secret” tells us to ask the universe for what we want. That we’re supposed to put the intention out there so the universe can give us whatever we want to “manifest.”

Yet the universe, the passive aggressive bitch that she is, only gives us enough so that we’re never truly dependent of her power. She’ll spitefully grant us our wishes, many times in the most inconvenient way, all the while smirking and laughing at a punchline that we mortals will never understand.

Balance is like the forbidden city. We’ve heard of it and those who claim to have been there are usually residents of the psych ward at Bellevue. Unless, dare I say it, balance is really the opposite of what we’ve always been led to believe.

Perhaps our perception of what should be 50/50 is really just an illusion. Maybe we’ve been using the wrong dictionary and balance is really the lack of equalness (if that’s even a word).

These small journeys I take don’t bring me into a state of alignment. While I try to improve on one thing, I slack on another. I guess it’s difficult to be committed 100% to more than one thing because 100% is all we can do.

And if I’m 100% to one, how could I give 1% to something else, much less 100%.

It’s funny how my daily lessons give me the insight I need to address other areas of my life. Even though this is a quest to give Betsy a break, I find myself giving my own insanity a break.

Maybe that’s the kind of balance I needed.