Why Do I Have To Wait?

There is this general expectation that I need to wait to get something I never had. I don’t know if it’s social conditioning that comes with being raised in poverty.

Even if it’s the product of generational inequalities, poverty is not just a state of being but also a mindset. When it’s not addressed early on, those beliefs impact all areas of our lives and bleed into how we block or allow blessings.

Here I am in my mid-40s and waiting for permission to live, waiting for the right to thrive, and waiting for the right pieces to fall into place to eventually fall in love.

Why do I need to wait for something I’ve never had when, if I listen to the influencers, abundance is my “birthright?”

Why do I have to be perfect to be worthy of anything?

Why do I feel like the goalpost gets moved whenever I reach a milestone that was before considered an accomplishment?

Waiting is a theme in my life, and it’s becoming unbearable to continue watching others command joy in their lives with less ambition than me.

I don’t want to judge them, but I am, and in doing so, I am judging myself because I’m either on the side of happiness or resentment.

All I have right now is hope, and it is that hope that gives me faith to believe that one day, the timing will be on my side.

One day, success will grace my life.

One day, love will find its way into my heart.

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