Lessons Learned from my Revolving Door of Friendships

Lessons Learned from the Revolving Door of Friendships

Slowly but surely I am learning how to be a better person for myself. The words of wisdom from a client years ago still haunts me to this day. She said that the longest relationship we’re going to have in life is with our self.

I am a work in progress because of this.

I’ve been mentally writing my book, part-memoir + part-guide. It’s sorta self-help but since I’m still in the “helping myself” process I feel like I can’t write it yet. There’s too many lessons that I am still trying to learn – one of which is how to attract better people into my circle.

I love my college friends. We went through the trenches together for 5 years and walked away with a 20 year friendship, zombie apocalypse strategy plan and enough Cinco de Mayo memories to last a lifetime. We dodged the social media bullet big time and our professional + personal reputations are very thankful for that.

However, most friendships I’ve cultivated post-college have been the same disaster after disaster, so much so that I started to look at what I was projecting with the people who I thought were a good friendship match.

I don’t want to make it sound like everyone I befriended post-Potsdam were batshit although many if not most were. There was a commonality that they shared though. While I was indeed the common denominator, I noticed that they each served a purpose. Once that purpose was fulfilled, they vanished into the night like Casper the friendly ghost.

#Teachable Moment: People are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

We don’t always get to choose which role they play but we can decide which role we want to play. As I looked back on the friendships that are no more, many of them were identical in the sense that I befriend the same type of people.

These are the people who are in your life for a reason. They come into your circle to teach you a lesson. These lessons can be about anything from love to loyalty to fidelity to personal growth to resentment if you allow it.

Seasonal people tend to come in and out of your life just like the seasons. They have an energy to them, the kind that’s a bit erratic and untouchable. You’ll hear from them every once in a blue moon or whenever they need something.

Then there are the lifetime people who will see you at rock bottom and help you out of the void. These are the people who are ready with an unmarked van and shovel, no questions asked, at the drop of a dime.

We teach others how we want to be treated.

This was my takeaway over the past few years. There’s “knowing” something and there’s “believing” something. This truth is logical and something I already knew yet here I am in the same cycle.

Personally my life long challenge is to work on my issues with boundaries.