A Summer of Imperfect Reflections

This has been the summer of profound imperfections and it only reflects my journey, or rather the current state of my evolution. Yesterday was the new moon / solar eclipse in Leo and it was only fitting that my house of relationships got eclipsed.

Every year I create a theme for the year and for the most part I stick with the theme. Last year was all about creation and I started 4 books and launched a new signature program.

This year my theme of “be seen” started off well until it didn’t.

It’s not a coincidence that my oracle deck is called “Sacred Journey.” It’s almost as if my unconscious self was delivering a message, the kind that would prepare me for what this year would become.

I also wear a bracelet with the word “sacred” on it and haven’t taken it off in over a year. It serves as a reminder to me that everything is sacred.

I think it also gives me some solace that I, too, am sacred.

I’ve been on several journeys this year and I don’t recall ever buying a ticket for any of them. It almost feels like life did a bait and switch on my ass. I thought I was living my life and I promptly reminded that what we think and what is necessary aren’t always aligned with one another.

In hindsight, I don’t think I ever had my shit together and when life took a hard left, my chaos was amplified. I had to confront myself on so many things and even to this day there are some demons I have yet to muster the courage and address head on.

I’d love for clarity to accompany a solar eclipse but with Pluto + Saturn having a retrograding tryst in my 12th house and Mars, having done enough damage jacking up my first house, is currently on it’s way into my 12th house for a cosmic ménage à trois.

It’s fair to say I am a hot mess. But I have enough music from the 80s and 90s to keep me nostalgic and sane. I’m looping Aerosmith as I write this.

Maybe that’s the problem. Not Aerosmith but living in the past.

7th house new moon eclipse has me re-evaluating all of the relationships in my life, including the one I have with myself. I’m a Pisces (sun) and so the idea of leaving the past is about as daunting of living in reality, yet here I am and here I fight against my own best interest.

I have a lot of air + fire energy so intellectually I “get it” and I have the fire to take action. I’m meal prepping and hitting the gym almost every day. I’ve dropped a little over 20 lbs this summer so I know I can take intentional action and get results.

Physical action is easy and has always been for me, whenever I do decide to commit to change. It’s when the water energy kicks in and I have to work on emotional changes.

With the exception of Neptune, who’s chillax’ in my 2nd house, most of the cosmic fuckery is going down in houses where I feel helpless.

How do I work on my subconscious self when the nature of subconscious is uncontrollable?

If 2018 taught me anything, it’s that we can’t control life happening but we can control how we choose to integrate those teachable moments into our every day.

I’m seeing a pattern and how my past self laid the foundation for me to navigate my own life. Forget about being seen. I needed to surrender, which is the first phase of my Sacred Journey self-mastery guide.

The irony is NOT lost on me!