Off The Wagon

Day 6

And so the spiral begins. Superbowl Sunday. The day that the biggest touchdown was scored by a Greek entrepreneur with a news site.

Sure the final score was close but in the online game, we’re not even at half-time. It’s only February and there’s still plenty of M&A’s left before we crown a victor.

I will not be one of them for today was the day that I fell off the dairy wagon.

Of all the things that did me in, it was a nibble of corn bread and a slice of pizza with pepperoni that sang the sweetest lullaby, one that I could not resist. At that point I figured it was time to rewrite the rules. After all, even God rested on Sunday.

I thought I would feel guity but I didn’t. I felt a little disappointed the following day and then I began to wonder….

Are we defined by the things we say or by the things we do?

No one wants to be thought of in a negative light. I think this is why so many people are hypersensitive when it comes to criticism. I’ve come across many who say they don’t want to be judged but these are the same people who end up being the most hypocritical of people.

Whether it’s ho-ing around with their best friend’s fiance or stabbing a good friend in the back, what I’m really hearing is quite different. It sounds to me that more often than not, we just don’t want to be held accountable for the choices we make.

Perhaps we’ll make a comment, a simple one, that forces the reality of the situation to smack us in our face. Like “How could you do that to your best friend on the eve of her wedding”?

Defensiveness is a way for us to project our own insecurities into oblivion. It’s easier to not take credit for the stuff that paints us in a negative light.

  • You’re selfish becomes “no one understands me.”
  • You’re a liar becomes “no one is listening to my side of the story.”

The choices we make are telling to our character. And when we’re not strong in our character, we hold onto a facade of who we want to be, even when our choices would show us as being someone else.

This is why I hate hearing “don’t judge me.” The truth is we all judge, even the ones who don’t want to be judge. More often than not, these are the ones who are the quickest to judge others. Ironic, huh?

I broke my commitment. I wanted to do at least 28 days of dairy-free living. On this day, I broke that commitment. There’s no one to blame but myself. Did I, for lack of better word, relapse? Sure.

Did I want to? No. At the end of February, can I say I succeeded in my goals simply because I said so? I guess it depends on who you ask.

It would be easy to say I succeeded because I decided to change the rules after starting. In that case then sure, I succeeded. But is it real?

From this day on, I’ll have a blemish in this quest for the month of February. Kind of like how baseball players who doped up. There will always be that asterick when they enter the hall of fame.

But I’m not afraid of asterisks. My life is full of many different characters. Asterisks, commas, semi-colons, you name it. That’s what makes me, well me. And I don’t mind being judged for it.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Vicky Ayala

My name is Vicky & I am a brand strategist & visual storyteller. By day, I work with multi-passionate entrepreneurs to organize their creative genius into a memorable brand experience with engaging design, authentic storytelling and strategic online marketing. When I'm not conjuring brand magic, you can find me musing about the entrepreneurial journey which includes everything from finding the perfect chai latte to plotting my domestic move to Miami.